Farming in the Nude: Naked Farmers on Tractors
Farming in the nude became a local fad after old mister Kuharchik bent over behind his big, red McCormick, while it was still idling. He attempted to clear away something that had wrapped around the PTO, the slowly spinning rod that supplied power from the tractor to the brush hog. He'd been farming his entire life and was well aware of the safety rules written for city slickers. Rule number one: turn off the dang thing before tinkering with spinning parts. Turning equipment off and back on again was a complete waste of time, he always said.
Being it was a spring morning he wore a jeans jacket over the same red flannel shirt he'd pulled over his head, to avoid buttoning or unbuttoning it, that he'd worn every single day for the past month. His wife refused to allow him inside with that shirt, which she claimed should be fed to the pigs.
In reaching down to remove the tangled mass of knotted weeds that was spinning slowly around the power take off rod, his dangling jacket sleeve was caught in the spinning brush. He thought, "No worries, slip the jacket off, it's barely rotating." Truth is the PTO was turning very slowly and had he had another sip of coffee that morning he might have moved a tad faster. But, nope. His sleeve was tangled, so was his arm and he was trapped. He became one with the mass of tangled dried grass and weeds that slowly spun around the shaft. A normal mans body needs to be modified somewhat to flip around a shaft, the way the bundle of weeds spun. Therefore just enough of his bones were broken so he might easily join the other tangled mass that was slowly spinning.
The tractor was filled with fuel. It would take hours empty the tank. By then he certainly would be in no condition to free himself. Fortunately he lost consciousness after only a few turns. To say every bone in his body was broken was a slight exaggeration.
Imagine the shock his son experienced when he brought lunch out to his dad. Fortunately, the son shut down the tractor and was almost happy to hear his father's moans. Just so you know, the old man made a full recovery after spending the better part of the year in the hospital. The event became a cautionary tale to the other farmers in the region, in particular those who refused to shut down their tractors when clearing tangled vegetation from the PTO. Instead, thanks to the warming season, the farmers became the brotherhood of naked tractor drivers. Nude, they need never fear getting caught by their sleeves or pants legs.
All that came to an unfortunate and abrupt end when one of the farmers caught an unmentionable body part. By mid summer everyone was back to wearing shorts.
That is about when the hippies moved onto the forty acres just north of the Kuharchik plat. That is another story, which might be left for another time, but we might as well get into it now. A hippy genius had discovered that if he had finished his college degree in horticulture or olericulture, the science of growing veggies, the highest paid job he might get would not pay his student loans. So, he took a semesters tuition and bought a cheap parcel of land. We won't mention that he had no background in the cultivation of normally edible plants. He had only propagated vegetation known today as of medical and recreational use. Yet, back then, well.........
His nude tractor driving was considered by the locals to be passe. It was his signage that caused concern. The hippy's artist brother printed up some signs placed on each fence post around the property. The lozenge shaped silver/aluminum signs read: THE ATOMIC ENVIRONMENTAL RECYCLING AND OLERICULTURAL RESEARCH FARM. It didn't mean to serve as a warning, but the neighbors were afraid to drive any where near the place for fear of the paint on their cars would certainly blister.
I changed my mind and will avoid getting too specific about the goings on at the farm. You may use your own imagination to fill in the happenings and hippy parties and the stuff dealing with "Bunny Island". Or, perhaps I'll just chop this entire section after the farmers wore shorts.
After a few years no one was surprised to discover a big power company was silently buying land in the area to build an atomic power plant. The locals came to that conclusion long ago.
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